Sunday, December 05 2010, Clear Sky
It seems that time goes really fast. 2 months passed in Japan and I don't even know about that. Whenever we are happy and joyful, time will go very quickly. I wonder if I spend my time here properly or not. Everyday routine is always the same: Get up, go to class, study, back, eat sleep then get up again. Sometimes I think why should my life become like that? I don't know why.
People always care for their own group. Like here, since I'm only one from my country, everyone seem to ignore me. everybody has their nation companion to whom they may be able to speak in their language whereas I would never get a chance like that. Sometimes I want to run away to find whom I can speak to but I never get to do it. My life line said that even if you are unbearable, you have to stay in that condition. My life line seem to be different from others.
when young, children won't be able to do something alone because they can't. But to me, I am supposed to do everything my own even they know that I can't, they still challenge me. If I can't complete it because my low experience, I will get blame to death. They will say " u have no brain, u are grown up, try to do everything your own. If you rely on others, when could you be strong. Life is that."
That experience is why until now, my life is an adventure in a lost land. To me it's normal. Life is that. My life is full of storm and obstacle. But when will it end? I don't know. Because now I know that it just the beginning. Then It just the beginning and why do I said like it is unbearable? You are too weak, man. If I behave like that, I worry that I won't survive long in this world. Facing loneliness, looking down, discrimination, depression is too difficult to get through? I may say yes and no.
Now it is hot times for me to get survived in a hot dark canyon. being able to see the sunlight again or not is not yet known. I just wait and see.
ចូរអ្នកកាន់សំបុត្រនិងទៀននេះហើយដើរចេញពីទីនេះទៅរកផ្លូវដែលអ្នកត្រូវទៅ
អ្នកត្រូវចាំថាផ្លូវនេះអ្នកត្រូវដើរតែម្នាក់ឯងដោយពុំមានអ្នកណារួមដំណើរជាមួយអ្នកឡើយ។
Take this letter and candle and leaves here to your belonging place.
Remember that you have to go alone and no one join the journey with you.
This word is used when people die. They are given a candle to light their route to the next life.
Well, I guess I was quite surprised reading this post. I've never thought you have been feeling this way. You seem very confident and very open to new things which I still think you still are.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, our lives routine here is pretty boring, that's just the way it is. But who says you need to keep it that way? You can change it! Instead of coming back home right after class, you can go to the library, take a walk in the school or the garden, go to eki and spend the evening there exploring where you've never been; there's always something to do.
And you're not alone. I was the only Khmer in my class too, cos 2 other Khmer students were in other group. I admit that sometimes I feel lonely too, but I told myself I can do something, anything to not be lonely which is talking to others. People are not ignoring you, they feel the same way like you; they may just be afraid of opening a conversation.
And, besides school, you know you always have me and your other 7 senpai. Don't be afraid to come to us, we're always there to help you, to talk, or whatever you may find trouble with.
Be optimistic! Life is hard, that's the way it is! But your life here now, is just a small part of it. I'm sure you can deal with it. Just let loose, keep yourself busy. Feel free to ask me if need any help. I'm always there.